Can I give you some feedback?

Are these the most chilling words in the English vocabulary for you? Or do you relish the opportunity to learn and develop from hearing someone’s different perspective?

It’s that time of year again. School report time. And my son has just come home with a 5-page report with some really useful comments to take on to secondary school. In light of last week’s news that the official UK SATs exam results have been delayed, probably just as well.

The most important aspect is that the feedback is balanced – some good comments, a few positively glowing (that’s my boy) and some pointers for improvement, with good suggestions to take forward. And the comments are not generic – they are very specific and I definitely recognise that they’re about my son! The report is supported by a face to face discussion and everybody gets to put their view across – teachers, pupils, parents alike.

Last month, I came across my own old dusty school reports. What a contrast! The one-line comments that I read from each teacher bore no relation to my own experience or what I recall about what was said to me in class. If you can’t relate to the feedback – positive or negative - you learn to discount it.

Getting used to giving and receiving feedback is key to building teams and forming relationships – inside and outside the work environment. Although we’re getting better at it, my past experience is that it’s not particularly in our British culture to do this instinctively well!

So we have systems in place to make sure that the feedback gets through – but, let’s be honest, how much of it do we allow to get through? Performance and bonus appraisals; one to one meetings to discuss progress with managers; 360 degree feedback; team meetings; project meetings; employee surveys; focus groups.

It’s very easy to ignore feedback and in the past I’ve spent far too long chasing managers for actions, as a result of running an employee survey. “I’m too busy.” “I’ve got a business to run.” “I’ll look at it later.” “I don’t want my team to be distracted.” Thanks to changing attitudes, few managers would openly get away with similar behaviour in today’s environment. No time for complacency, though. As the report card says, “still room for improvement” in this area.

For me, the value lies in having an ongoing discussion and choosing to do something differently as a result. Ongoing is the keyword here – it’s not enough to review feedback once. As we know, it takes time and effort to change behaviour. Over the years, I’ve learnt to accept feedback for what it is – an opportunity to hear a different perspective and learn from the insight. And it’s about choice, too. To do something differently or to continue to do the same – your own perspective is still a valid one. Learning from the experience moves you on. I hope it’s taught me how to give feedback in a constructive way, too.

At 16, my performance was summed up in two sentences. “Rosemary gives the impression that at the moment she is too much of a perfectionist to succeed. She should remember the proverb that the man who never made a mistake, never made anything.”

I can’t recall now whether I felt the comment was valid or not, but maybe I did take on board the feedback, after all – I’ve certainly made the mistakes to prove it. So please give me your feedback - just don’t call me Rosemary!

Rosie

Comments

[Timm]

Just yesterday I found a bunch of old school binders; among them was the following charming feedback note of my French teacher: "Your small handwriting is so impolite that I get in a bad mood just looking at it"...

Feeback is a two-way process, and it only works if both sender and receiver are open for it. Don't expect feedback if the potential sender doesn't feel like giving it. Also, don't give feedback if the potential receiver doesn't want it. Formal settings help to create the right ambience for feedback to work.

[Angela Sellmayer]

This is the first time I've read your blog and I have to say first that I love your writing. It's light, thoughtful and witty. Thanks for blogging.

Secondly, I love your concept for this post. I've always thought that feedback is necessary for the continuation of any successful educational or business relationship. As a Millenial, I suppose I take it a bit too far and crave more feedback than most supervisors are willing to offer... but luckily, I've landed myself a job in place with weekly evaluations. (I guess who ever said we should be careful what we wish for was smarter than I thought.)

Anyway, thanks again for the thoughtful musings... I look forward to reading more!

[Henriette]

Rosie, what a nice handover from school to business life. Just wish our managers would read the bit about taking feedback as an opportunity to see a new perspective....

Please let us have more of this motivating quick reminders for why we do care about comms so much!

[Rosie]

Angela, you have my respect, or rather your manager does – weekly evaluation! You struck a chord - a wise manager taught me the mantra, “be careful what you wish for”. I always think of it now whenever faced with a decision to make, or rather afterwards, when I’ve gone ahead anyway and wondered why I didn’t listen!

You’re right, Timm, it’s about the appropriateness and being in the right frame of mind. There’s nothing worse than receiving some feedback out of the blue or being asked to give feedback on the spot – I’m not very good at those street surveys!

Thanks, Henriette – more to follow!