How to win friends & influence people

Back at Cranfield again for a Black Belt today, and we're talking about stakeholders, relationships and influence.  It got me thinking about my relationships with my clients, and what it feels like for ME to work with THEM.  Maister, Green and Galford say two characteristics of trusted advisors are that they seem to understand us and like us, and that they are reliably on our side and always seem to have our best interests at heart.

I think I'm pretty lucky with my clients. I really like working with them, and now I come to think of it, those two simple things make such a difference. Last week, two of said clients started a conference call by saying "We've just been talking about how we've been yelling at people all day. So we've just made an effort to calm down and get into nice mode - because we really like you!" 

Another client has just phoned me for one of her 'hi, how are you, just thought I'd give you a quick update about things' calls. She also remembers to e-mail me to wish me luck before workshops, calls me if she hears I've had a tough one and has been known to send chocolates and champagne.  One client even insisted on driving out to change my car wheel when I called him to apologise that I'd be late for our meeting because I'd got a puncture and was waiting for the AA!

The result?  I really like working with them, I look forward to seeing them, and if they really need something sorting out, I'll do almost anything humanly possible to sort it. Because I know they like me, they look after me and they make me feel valued.  It sounds so obvious and it only takes 5 minutes of thought now and again, but it makes such a difference.

Odds are, when it comes to the really difficult relationships, we don't make people feel like that. Generally because actually we DON'T like them and think they're a total pain in the backside!  But one of the best pieces of advice I've been given was from my coach years ago, who was trying to help me develop a relationship with a particularly difficult character. When she asked what I liked or respected about him, I saids 'absolutely nothing.' Her response was that I'd better find something, or I'd never build any kind of relationship with him or be able to help him as a customer.

She was right. I thought about it, I can't say I found things I liked, but I did find things I could understand and connect with. And it started to change the way I acted with him. I actually started to treat him like somebody it was worth being reasonable with instead of someone who annoyed the hell out of me. Tellingly, months later when we were getting on swimmingly, one day he said 'you actually DO like me, don't you? For a while I thought I just got on your nerves, and then for a time I thought you just were being polite. But now I know you like me. It makes a big difference.'

So here's an interesting task for the day. Who's your most difficult customer - the one that gets right on your nerves and you just can't seem to get on with?  Now what can you find to like or understand about them? Trust me - it's in there somewhere ...!

Sue